I’m single, so shoot me!

You’re plodding along in your old beat up joggers, and note with a sigh how apt the moment is as a metaphor for your life at this current junction, just plodding along. The left foot follows the right foot and then the right one follows the left and it’s a small wonder that you haven’t tripped over your free spirited shoe lace. But even if things aren’t going well, they’re still going and that’s really saying something for those old shoes. You look up from your shoes as you enter the restaurant and wave to Phil and his new girl Candice behind who you can see Bec and that-guy-with-the-difficult-name who is chatting to Aaron. Fran, Aaron’s girlfriend, attempts to fit an extra chair at the table next to her brother who’s whispering to his boyfriend Bryan, while Simon and Jess cuddle in the corner.

When exactly, you wonder with a start, did I become the single friend?!?

***

The event, known as the Pairing-off Phenomenon, in which a group of friends comes to mainly consist of couples, is assumedly a lot less sudden than the realisation that everyone is in possession of a significant other. But the fact that you have had the realisation, is because you are the lucky comrade that has been assigned to document this social phenomenon, that is to say, you are now the only single person within 100 miles and are suddenly surrounded by the very worst, the most cuddly, gushing couples....

Now of course ‘single’ doesn’t equal lonely and depressed just as ‘couple’ doesn’t entail ‘eternal happiness’ but it has recently come to my attention as the token single friend, independent woman and all round cynical 20 year old spinster that I am, that the negatives about being single in the company of package-deals encompass more than just the Third-wheel Syndrome.

There are many instances when the ‘Couple’s Advantage’ shines through. Singles for instance, have to carry a jumper, couples just bring their other half. An extra person serves conveniently as a headrest, exit excuse, taxi driver and source of money. But the ‘Couple’s Advantage’ becomes most noticeable during team games, like Pictionary, where a squiggle can be miraculously understood to be a duck because of some innate connection that a couple possess. And yet, the worst thing by far, is when the couples become aware after some idle gazing about the room, that you are in fact the only single person, soldiering on alone. “Oh poor Henry, that would suck.“ Well yes actually, losing Pictionary because you’re not sleeping with your partner certainly is depressing...

Few scientists have offered conclusive research into why the Pairing-off Phenomenon occurs, (probably because they are all still single) and the jury is still out on whether you should be happy to be single, or manically depressed.

Meanwhile my mind continues to wonder at how two people can spend more than 72 hours straight together without wanting to kill each other, and I often ask myself if I am the only (single) sane person in an (couples) insane world, what’s more likely however, is that I’m too young to be this cynical and that I really need new shoes.