Gaining confidence

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Confidence/n. Firm trust; feeling of certainty; self reliance; boldness.

1.Trust, belief, credence, faith, reliance,

2. Self-assurance, boldness, courage, self-possession.

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Olive, my baby black rat, is curled up in the pouch of my jumper. Every now and then she pokes her head out and runs across my lap, sniffs at my desk and scampers back inside my pocket. It makes me coo and ooze sweetness like a new mother. Olive, with her patchy white belly and tiny hands is miniscule but daringly fast. If she were to somehow make it to the floor it would be nearly impossible to catch her. She’s wary of me, always ready to bolt. I have only had her four days and I am still gaining her trust. She approaches my hand slowly when I beckon to her to come out of her cage and speeds away when I try to pick her up, but if I lie down on my bed she will climb on me, sniff my face and nestle against my arm. She is very distracting, even just watching her sleep with her tail curled around her and her nose tucked down is addictive. Perhaps I just need a better way to utilise my time, but it occurred to me today as she tentatively approached the Milk Arrowroot biscuit I offered her, that just as Olive is gaining confidence in me, I am rediscovering my own confidence.

For instance, yesterday I made vegetable soup from scratch, i.e. without a recipe to follow step-by-step. (Do I hear applause?) As it turned out to be not only edible, but quite yummy, it shall go down in history as my first really successful cooking venture. If nothing else, it was confidence building. Now I’m sure I could make anything, in fact I am certain that my culinary expertise shall soon be sought after throughout the world by connoisseurs of humble veggie soup. This is doubtless an overreaction. Nevertheless the point is I am learning to not be afraid to make mistakes. I have been changing my mind a lot recently. When I finished uni I quickly jumped on the Tafe wagon. (More studying, just a different name.) Now it’s 4 weeks later and I’ve dropped out, because it’s not what I want to do or where I need to be, and I have finally gained the confidence to realise that, and trust my own decision. I thought i'd share that because it’s a feeling that makes me want to embrace the whole world with my outstretched arms in a happy, contented hippy-love-fest kind of way and grin like a Cheshire cat as Olive sits in the palm of my hand and nibbles away at the biscuit I offer her...

Peace out ya’ll